Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
