the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
