i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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