hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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