I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
