i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
