Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
