Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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