MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
