you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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