the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
