its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
