how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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