i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just invented taco cereal.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
