i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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