my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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