i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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