i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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