it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
