That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
