soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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