Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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