You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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