My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
