Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
