??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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