My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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