wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
