You're completely useless in the revolution.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
