Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
