my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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