what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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