I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
