I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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