he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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