is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
