Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
