You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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