She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
