Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
sarcasm needs its own font
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize