Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
