sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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