i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
