i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
