I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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