Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
