At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
