I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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