hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
