i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
