i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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