woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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