I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
